The Central and Victoria lines will run all night, every Friday and Saturday, from tonight; several other lines will follow in the autumn.

So this seemed like a good time to look at all the places you can go…

Heathrow Airport

There actually aren’t any flights scheduled to take off or land from Heathrow between 23.30 and 04.30, and relatively few in the couple of hours following that. But both security restrictions and immigration queues mean the airport itself is a hive of activity all night, so an all-night Piccadilly line will genuinely be of some use. And if you aren’t planning to travel anywhere, why not visit anyway, for breakfast, or inappropriately early booze?

Wembley

Historically, events at Wembley Stadium, whether music or sports, have generally wound down not long after midnight. Now, thanks to the miracle of the night tube, it’ll be possible for the place to keep rocking well into the early hours. Imagine football matches, with seven hours of extra time! Or a Take That concert that goes on until 5am! Imagine what it’ll do for house prices!

Acton

By night, Acton will have no fewer than four tube stops. This is four more than the entire London Borough of Hackney does during the day. Everybody loves Acton.

Epping Forest

By day, a pastoral haven on the edge of London; by night, the set of The Blair Witch Project – and all just a short hop from Loughton tube. Why not experience the woods in the full wondering-if-they’ll-even-find-your-body creepiness that they were meant to be enjoyed in?

Hampstead Heath

Basically the same, but with a slightly higher chance of bumping into Ed Miliband.  

Faces Night Club, Gants Hill

“Faces Lounge And Club Is The Most Famous & Talked About NightClub In Essex & London”, the venue’s website announces cheerily, which is an odd way of putting it, but okay. The late Jade Goody was purported to be a regular, and a visit to Faces still allows you to mingle with top celebs. Peter Andre! Joey Essex! Danielle Lloyd!

The website also gives sample taxi fares back to selected destinations, one of which is Chelsea (£45). Which seems a bit optimistic, to be honest.

The Night Tube map in all its glory. Image: TfL.

Canary Wharf

“No, you can’t have a cab. It’s 3 in the morning – quit whining, and get the bloody tube. Oh, and be back by 6, or don’t come back at all.”

Cockfosters

There is literally no reason to go to Cockfosters. There is basically nothing there. But it does have a funny name, so. Might seem like a good idea in the early hours of Saturday morning.

And some places you can’t…

Large chunks of London’s night life these days are concentrated in a wedge running north-east from the City: Shoreditch, Dalston, Hackney Wick. By day, these places are served by the Bank branch of the northern line, and the Overground’s North London line.

They will thus remain tragically un-served by the new night tube regime. When oh when will hipsters finally get the transport links they deserve? They’re the backbone of this city, goddammit. 

This post was originally published on 25 September 2014 (hence the very topical joke about Ed Miliband). How time flies.

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